Where do I start?

In the eternal search for" what is happiness?" I am confronted with the question where do I start? what am I doing here in this space? the only answer I find for the moment is yet another question, what is my mission and somehow i end up once again with the issue of happiness. Where to find it? I think back upon my life and the moments highlighted by mishaps, disappointment , hurt , unfulfilled empty spaces and somehow I dig back, way back to try and remember what made the happy moments in my life. What exactly made me happy?
At the moment I am on the search for the ME hidden amidst the cob webs of daily existence. The existence of post divorce...... Divorce,the whirlpool at the bottom of the waterfall of marriage . I survived the fall but clearly not the marriage.....the input was deleted.....was not good enough....someone else is better.....not wanted anymore....
Not a nice whirlpool. And sometimes the vortex action of rejection and disappointment pulls you down for quite a while, drains your energy and sometimes exhausts you to such an extent that you barely have energy to find the surface for a second, just totake a breath, just to be taken down once more until the unbearable reality of hurt numbs all senses, you loose consciousness and your lifeless bruised body is washed up somewhere on rocky shallow water.
That's where I ended up. Spent almost seven years coming to my senses but finally I am here. Here in this net space, talking, sharing looking for anwers to my questions of happiness . But most of all able to speak and to share and to be able to rekindle the space I used to call my smile.
Ever since I was taught to read I knew that you can only understand the meaning of a word if you know how to spell it and that is why if I can find how to know how to spell HAPPY I can make it truely part of my life....and successfully complete the spelling test.......